Time for some Humor!!

[2tallbill]

Why don't you buy me balloons?

[2tallbill]

Secret powers!

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Lesbian...........

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joke............

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Smell the roses.........

[2tallbill]

Vaseline

A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet .

He said, "I'm doing, some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?"

She said, "Yes, my husband and I use it all the time."

"And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?"

"We use it for sex."

The researcher was a little taken aback. He said, "Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?"

The woman said, "I don't mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out."

[2tallbill]

**** Warning corny joke alert!!!! ****
**** Warning corny joke alert!!!! ****
**** Warning corny joke alert!!!! ****
**** Warning corny joke alert!!!! ****


The Golfer

While playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, a man became confused as to where he was on the course.  Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.

"I'm on the 7th hole," she replied, "and you are a hole behind me. So you must be on the 6th hole."  He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached her again with the same request. "I'm on number 14, and you're still a hole behind, so you must be on the 13th hole." Once again he thanked her and returned to his play. He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.

He approached her and said, "let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you're in the sales profession. I'm in sales also. What do you sell?

"I'll tell you, but you'd laugh," she replied.

"No, I won't," he promised.

"Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax."

With that, he laughed so hard he almost fell off the bar stool.

"See," she said, "I knew you'd laugh!"

"That's not why I'm laughing," he replied, "I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm ""still"" a hole behind you."

 

[2tallbill]

Two Sides To Every Story

Her Side of the Story:

He was in an odd mood Sunday night. We planned to meet in a bar for a drink. I spent the afternoon shopping with the girls, so I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit later than I promised, but he didn't say anything much about it. I don't remember doing anything to make him upset, but could tell there was something wrong. The conversation was quite slow going, so I thought we should go off to some place intimate to talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was still acting a bit funny. I was getting really worried. What did I do? What was bothering him? Was he mad at me? I tried to cheer him up.

Was it me or something else? I asked him if he was upset with me, and he said no. But I wasn't really sure. In the car on the way home I said that I loved him deeply, and he just put his arm around me. I didn't know what that meant because he didn't say it back or anything.

We finally got back home and I was wondering if he was going to leave me! So I tried to get him to talk, but he just switched on the TV. Reluctantly, I said I was going to bed. Then after about 10 minutes he joined me, and, to my surprise, we made love. But he still seemed really distracted, so afterward I just wanted to comfort him, but instead I just cried myself to sleep. I just don't know what to do anymore. I mean, I really think he's seeing someone else.

His Side of the Story:

Played badly today-shot 87-can't putt for crap. Felt kinda tired. Got laid though.

[2tallbill]

The Miracle of Toilet Paper

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror, complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion: "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds." Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. "How long will this take?" I ask. "They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies. I stop. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"  Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?" He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, may even walk again.

 

[2tallbill]

One of those discount airlines recently had a promotion where they offered free air-fare to wives who accompanied their husbands on a business trip. Seeking some valuable testimonials, the PR unit of the airline sent out letters to the wives who took advantage of the offer.

I understand both written and telephoned responses are still flooding their offices asking, "What trip ?"

[2tallbill]

Whoops.........

[2tallbill]

Snow flakes..............

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Missing you...........

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The ass family............

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Sexy towels............

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Making babies in public!!!!

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Nothing like a great view!!

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The difference between what men and women see in the mirror.........

[2tallbill]

Another blonde joke.........

[2tallbill]

Wag the tail.........

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He renamed them.......

[2tallbill]

It looks like a double.............

[2tallbill]

Just let it go........

[2tallbill]

I need to supervise............

[2tallbill]

A lady friend of mine told me that she wanted to be the proper wieght for her height.
I told her to start with a crash diet and six inch heels.